unexpected labyrinth perks, waldorf, the siren call of nature, yoga or sleep?

The weeks after spring break are always a whirlwind, but these were particularly impressive in the number of things on my to-do list and the number of things i can reasonably accomplish in a short period of time. Foremost amoung them is the labyrinth project, finally reaching the beginning of construction as of saturday. An unexpected perk of the project, and of a lot of self-designed projects i've been working on, is the opportunity to meet and interact with adults. While this may sound like a normal part of life for some 21-year-olds, most of my semesters at Bowdoin held very little quality time with adults other than professors while in the classroom. I have always made an effort to get to know professors better than that, and often used office hours or meetings during meals to have great conversations. The labyrinth project this semester, as well as a photography project about aging with an interview component, both facilitated much deeper and more frequent interactions with professors, staff, and community members. The conversations accompanying labyrinth scheduling, funding and logistic-ing often range to much larger concerns about becoming an adult, getting older, marrying and raising kids. I've found these conversations (some of them actually TAPED) to be invaluable already- a surprising source of guidance for a soon-to-be unmoored college graduate.
On Friday we visited the Waldorf school in Freeport, an experience that immediately made me want to become a Waldorf teacher. The classes were interesting for a college student like me, as many public school classes are not, and the students were constantly engaged, both questioning and answering about the material. When asked during break if they ever got bored everyone pretty much shook thier head, or wrinkled thier foreheads- "Well, not in SCHOOL." said one girl, as if that concept were somewhat crazy. Unfortunately, visiting the Waldorf school required a very early awakening, thus I was pretty tired when we got back to campus- with still a whole list of things to do ahead of me. I needed to interview and photograph Sue from the church for my photography project, grab a meal (I was starving), pick up the canvas from the shop, buy supplies for construction the next day, and make it to yoga from 4:30-6:00. Somehow, upon arriving back on campus, I had a leisurely brunch with Benzvi, and then we went to the quad to enjoy 15 minutes of passing a frisbee in the sun. As the numbers playing grew, my awareness of time fell away... until i looked down and saw that it was 2:30 and discovered a missed call from sue- oops! The sun and the grass, after so many months of snow and cold, is practically irresistable.
After the interview- a pleasant and calming conversation- I had 30 minutes left before yoga, and had scheduled to pick up the canvas at 6pm. Part of me had already considered just going home, showering (it had been three days) and sleeping until dinner. The question became: sleep and a shower or yoga? Which is ultimately more refreshing and fulfilling in the midst of such a busy day? Although at first I really thought sleep would win out, I realized that my mind would probably not feel rejuvinated by a 40ish minute nap, squeezed between two activities. I would probably wake up tired and crabby, wishing i was still in bed, and lose momentum for the rest of the evening. Yoga, on the other hand, would allow me to actively relax my body, focus and still my mind, and spend a little time on my spirit as well. You can obviously tell what won.
So I decided to buy some erasers for the construction in the union, change at home, and bike to yoga... which was glorious. definitely the right decision (and a good thing to keep in mind during busy and exhausting days). Unfortunately, I was so relaxed afterwards that I went straight home, showered, and ravenously headed towards the dininghall for dinner. At 10pm, sitting with some friends in the tower, I sat straight up- Oh shit. I had completely forgotten about the canvas for the labyrinth. My self-distain and horror at this mistake were hard to curb. It's funny how when we forgot something like that- a friend's birthday, an important errand- we have a visceral reaction to it. Our bodies clench up, especially around the stomach, our teeth grind, our eyes open wide. I wonder how similar this 'panic' is to the fight/flight response nature developed for moments of danger. Everything worked out just fine- i picked up the canvas at 8am and there were no consequences of my negligence, but that feeling stayed with me all night until the next morning, despite my inability to change the situation or the usefulness of feeling bad about it. I probably should've done what I did earlier- forgone a little sleep to meditate and clear my mind, allowing myself some self-forgiveness and clarity.

Don't go to sleep one night
What you want most will come to you then.
Warmed by a sun inside, you'll see wonders.
-Rumi

the breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
don’t go back to sleep.
you must ask for what you really want.
don’t go back to sleep.
people are going back and forth between the
door sill where the two worlds touch.
the door is round and open.
don’t go back to sleep.
-rumi