On thursday night my mindfulness and practice class went out to the coastal studies center for an over-night retreat in which we would have a protracted period of silence and lead/participate in certain mindful practices. This is a journal entry I wrote in the morning while we were there.
(Friday April 1st)
"Sleeping without an alarm was strange- I had trouble tursting myself to relax because I could not depend on my alarm to awake me. Although Katie is reliable and promised to wake us with charms, having the wake-up be not only outside of my control but a mystery in the middle of the night (have I been asleep 2 hours or 6?) was hard, it made me somewhat restless. Even when sleeping beside Sean I feel responsible for getting myself (and him!) up and starting the day. I know there are many things to do, even on a weekend. I hope I can learn to let go of this compulsion and, without anxiety, embrace a scheduless day every once and awhile. Before today I hadn't realized how much I rely on clocks- particularly my watch, something required over the summer by our crew boss (and adopted permanently since then). My scheduling is directly linked to the artificial hours and minutes with which we catalogue the day. Nepal was a much more relaxed, disorganized, and clockless society, although I had trouble appreciating it. My guess is it would've been easier to embrace my experience there if i had had more grounding or been part of a program. This is why sean and I must travel and live somewhere abroad after graduation- get out of the clock-filled world for awhile.
A good life-goal is a week without clocks, not on vacation in another place but at home, perhaps during a break (organized or natural) from required routines- work, school, kid's school, etc.
Is there a way to have a watch without becoming married to it and a need to follow it's guidance?
I hope so."
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